Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Quiz - Are you a Calvinist?

Ran across this on a blog, the Wesleyan Arminian, and thought you might enjoy.

Genesis 25:23 The LORD said to [Rebekah], "Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger."

Q: What was in Rebekah's womb?
A. Two nations and two peoples.
B. One elect person and one reprobate person.
C. Don't even try to refer to the Old Testament for your exegesis of Romans 9. Heretic.


Ezekiel 18:23 Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?

Q: How much pleasure does the Sovereign Lord take in the death of the wicked?

A. No pleasure
B. Much pleasure
C. No revealed pleasure, but lots of secret pleasure.


Mathew 23:37: O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.

Q: Why didn't Jesus gather up those in Jerusalem, when he longed to?

A. Because they were not willing.
B. This is a mystery.
C. Hello pea brain. Jesus was speaking of general chicks, not effectual chicks.


Luke 10:30-37 [The story of the good Samaritan - the priest and Levite "pass by" the traveler, the Samaritan stops and helps.]

Q: Which of these three do you think showed mercy?

A. The Samaritan. Go and do likewise.
B. The priest and the Levite showed mercy by passing by.
C. Each person showed a different kind of mercy. If all had stopped to help, the act of the Samaritan would have been diluted.


John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Q: God loves what?


A. The world
B. The elect.
C. His glory.

Q: Who will not perish?

A. Whoever believes in God's only son.
B. Let me get back to you on that, I need to look up the answer on "Desiring God".
B. Francis Schaeffer won't perish, but his kid Franky is definitely going to burn.


Acts 16:30-31 [The jailer] then brought them out and asked, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household."

Q: What must I do to be saved?

A. Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved.
B. Win the divine lottery.
C. The jailer was a Pelagian.


Romans 11:32 For God has bound all men over to disobedience so that he may have mercy on them all.

Q: Who does "all" refer to in this verse?
A. All
B. The elect
C. An unbiased reading of the text shows that first all refers to everyone and the second all refers to only the elect.


1 Timothy 1:18-19 Timothy, my son, I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience. Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith.

Q: Paul says that some people have done what with their faith?

A. Some have shipwrecked their faith.
B. This is a hypothetical analogy with no real world application. It is merely used by God to ensure the perseverance of the elect.
C. Nice try. Obviously the ship was never floating in the first place.


1 Timothy 2:4 [God] wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.

Q: Who does God want to be saved?

A. All men
B. All men, but no women.
C. Tom Wright is a heretic.


1 Peter 1: 1-2 Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ, To God's elect, strangers in the world, scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia, who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood: Grace and peace be yours in abundance.

Q: How are the elect chosen?

A. According to the foreknowledge of God the Father.
B. If you were elect you would already know the answer to this question.
C. Who are you oh man to talk back to Piper?


1 John 2:2 He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.

Q: Jesus is the atoning sacrifice for what and what?

A. Our sins and also for the sins of the whole world.
B. The sins of the elect, and also for the sins of the elect.
C. The correct word is "propitiation". You show your Arminian tendencies by quoting from the NIV. Read the ESV, heretic.


BONUS ROUND!

Revelation 3:20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

Q: Which picture best depicts the above verse?

A.
















B.
















C.

















Add up your score:
2 points for every A
1 point for every B
0 points for every C

Score:
25+ points - Congrats! You are predestined to be an Arminian
20-24 points - You read a lot of Norm Geisler.
15-19 points - Old school Calvinist
10-14 points - Neo-Reformed
0-9 points - James White is your homie.

5 comments:

Brian said...

Really clever! I see that I am predestined to be an Arminian. I really hope God loves Arminians...

Stephen Miller said...

Yeah, I scored pretty high myself. I hope I'm still secure.

Pizza Man said...

Thanks for the plug, glad you enjoyed it. :)

Loy said...

That is way too funny. Thanks for posting, lol.

And btw, why wouldn't God love Armenians? After all, He loves the world, right? And every tongue and tribe and nation will be there...

lol. Sorry. A pun is the lowest sense of humor, they say. Which is why I'm so punny!

:-)

Stephen Miller said...

Yep, thought this was pretty funny when I ran across it. Also enjoyed you Cajun preachers joke by the way.